Big Hairy Gonads!!!!

I didn't get the job.

Balls

considering I hate the place I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry...

I'm off to get stinkingly, sickenly drunk...

What I got up to Last Night...

just been to see Jackass 2 AND The Prestige....
we - cousin and I - went to early screening of Jackass, when we left it was only 9pm and The Prestige was just starting - hurranh!!
both are ace by the way - will write proper tomorrow - its midnight and I'm up in 6 hours

that was last night.... here's the full story....

Work was bollocks as per usual. It's really hot in there, with no air conditioning. So naturally, every one is starting to get sick. They have such Draconian fucking rules regarding sickness that most people drag themselves off their death beds to come in... bringing all ther fucking ebolas, tuberculous, cholera and other shit I can't spell with them - so everyone else can get fucking (btw that's a shit poor excuse of a emoicon for sick. Noticed how the same faces mean different things?)

So, anyways, as always I digress. I'm working hard, busy little bumblebee, even though I can't be arsed and neither can everyone else and the mood is negative and depressing... I think fuck it, the day is dragging anyways may as well try and get on with it.

But as the day wore on, I just felt worse and worse. I've had a pain in the back of my neck, lower skull since Thursday's Assessment Centre - possibly the tension & stress, but I'm not a doctor so I don't know. Anyways, I'm hot, head hurts, arms and legs start to ache - wave upon wave of hypercondria sweeping over me....

Finally the day is over, walk the station and get the train with the lovely train buddy, Miss Sharon. Enjoy the journey home because we enjoy the rare privellege of a seat.

Wait ages for the bus, but I'm chilling listening to Moon Safari, thanks to Desi, Air is back on my high list of great tunes to listen too.

Gutted sitting on bus, cos girl I like has decided to opt for alternative traffic, my cousin Jay rings. Offers an alternative to coming home and logging on to MySlave and increasing my headache through screen-burnt dry eyes... go watch Jackass 2.

Rock n Roll.

Within an hour, we are standing in the foyer of the Odeon trying to decide if it's worth buying sweets. Some poor unfortunate soul comes in. Our Jay, simply because he's a sociopathic twat of the highest order, is pissing himself at the poor fucker. I try and not look, despite his increasingly jovial face motioning me on. This is because, not because I think it's cruel, but because I will laugh too. Only not quiet like Jay. No. I will laugh very loudly, and very obvious. I will laugh because Jay is laughing and his laugh is funny. The denizens of the foyer however, will look at the poor soul, look at me, look at Jay, and come down on us like a horde of angry bulls...

As we sit down in the cinema I notice a terrifying sight. The whole place is full of beefheads. There are about 20-30 people in there and every bloke Is over 6ft, about 5 ft wide and has the square head of a Christian Creationist.

And! I! Look! Like! One! Of! Them!

Bollocks!

Anyways, we watch the film and it was fantastic. So fucking funny. Sure there were bits where I thought, 'yeah I know why it's supposed to be funny', but these were quickly forgotten by the many many highlights. Sure, there is a slight grumble about the fact that all the animal-based pranks border on animal-cruelty, but these thoughts soon disappear as you watch ……….. and ………….. and when ……….. happens. (I ain't ruining the jokes for ya)

We leave the auditorium full of mirth, eyes moist, cheeks red and slight sore (my god that sounds so Gay!) – from LAUGHING (sheesh, rolls eyes). I go for my customary piss – I have no idea why but I ALWAYS need a piss before the film starts, and then after my extra large coke, need ANOTHER one right after the film…. Bizarre.

So I'm having my post-film slash, chortling at when ……… did ………. to…………… I walk out the toilets (washed hands still wet cos there was no hand towels and I'm too lazy for the driers) and our Jay suggests as it's early, why not kill two birds with one stone and go see The Prestige which was starting in about 2 mins.

FUCK YEAH!!!

Jay went to buy yet more coke, whilst I put with the smary smug bastard behind the counter asking me where I wanted to sit – the tool was offering me any seats from TWO empty rows for a film that was just starting, no one else was gonna sit there. Then again, I couldn't really blame him, the girl next to him who he kept looking at (was he winking?) was fit. Let the fucker show off for a few small moments. She knew my net worth. She obviously knew his. You lose, cinema boy! (oh if only)

Off we trundle into a new auditorium, one of the better ones, and settle down. Balls, we've missed the trailers. I see the last ten seconds of the Blood Diamond Leo DiCaprio one, but I'm none too fussed.

The film starts… it ends… wow! Amazing film! Really really smart, great acting (Mr Caine should be at the very least getting a nod for Oscar number three), and the story is great. Keeps ya guessing. Probably the most intelligent film I've seen in the pictures since that bloke in the white beard in Matrix two (ha ha kidding for fucks sake, kidding).

Maybe there's hope for cinema yet. The Prestige, Children of Men, Lord of War (watched it Sunday on DVD) seems films are getting intelligent again.

Ok, so it wasn't the most obvious double-bill around, but it was 3-4 hours well spent J

In honour of such a great night, I will not be stating what I'm listening to, but thanks to the lovely Jacqui, I have been reacquainted with perhaps the Greatest Bulletin Game of Myspace – the Soundtrack to Your Life. Hurrah!!!

For those who don't know how it works…

1. Open your music library
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool... and a lot of the songs fit with the setting

Opening Credits:
Rusty Cage – Johnny Cash

Waking Up:
Death On The Stairs – The Libertines

First Day At School:
New Star in the Sky (Chanson Pour Solal) - Air

Falling In Love:
The Tea Leaf Prophecy (Lay Down Your Arms) – Joni Mitchell

Fight Song:
Dakota - Stereophonics

Breaking Up:
Streams of Whiskey – The Pogues

Prom:
Blood – Pearl Jam

Life:
People of The Sun – Rage Against The Machine

Mental Breakdown:
Crazy – Patsy Cline (lol I aint lying, this is what come up)

Driving:
I Threw A Brick Through A Window – U2

Flashback:
A Pair of Brown Eyes – The Pogues

Getting back together:
Gold Digger – Kanye West

Wedding:
Running To Stand Still – U2

Birth of Child:
I Hung My Head – Johnny Cash

Final Battle:
Singin' in The Rain – Gene Kelly

Death Scene:
Amilea – Joni Mitchell

End Credits:
Vietnow – Rage Against The Machine

Okay Dokey…. Some inspired choices by Mistress Fate/Lady I-Tunes, but I'm a little disappointed that it brought up the same artists. Need to look at my shuffle settings me thinks…. Anyways, there be my night.

If you are so inclined, then feel free to leave your own soundtrack in the comments box

12 hrs to go

The assessement is this Thursday. 08:30-16:30. Four or Five exercises based on five competencies - managerial, social skills, communication skills, analytical, and methodical skills.

Fortunately there is no interview so I don't have to prep/stress for that.

My task is simple, show up, read the instructions, plaster on a fake smile (be positive), and try and act like the manager I really am lol.

It's hard to do, believe it or not. I do it every day, but put me in a roleplay situation and it becomes an act. I am never natural.

Just gotta be myself.

Yesterday, some of the other managers kindly organised a quick get together to try and help each other. Despite what the flaws I often see in them (in everyone) they are really a great bunch of people, and the business could do a lot worse.

We talked about possible reports for the analytical exercises. Went right over my head (whoosh!) - and I am supposed to be the analyst for our contract lol

Then I did a quick sample of a presentation for them, showing how to structure it. Feedback: authoritative tone, but sounded bored/boring. That's my natural tone baby!!

Anyways, despite their good intentions, I was falling asleep, and I don't wanna think too much about it otherwise I'll start to stress and panic.

I am concerned that I have done zero research into the matter- but I have always been, and probably always will be like this. I have no motivation what so ever.

My life needs something to fight for.

Anyway, it's the last word on the subject because I will be too stressed tonight. And Liverpool are playing, which lately is a nightmare to endure too.

Thursday, I am going to try and finally go see Jeff play. I always say this, and never go. But I'll be in a suit and hopefully the adrenalin will be flying. If you are one of the scousers on here (hell, or someone who likes to travel on a whim), check out his profile and then go see. He's really good.

But then again... we all know I'll be on here whinging

2 weeks notice

Friday – an email comes through from the head of ops. Everyone has to attend a meeting at 1.30pm, no exceptions, no excuses. The tone of the email is negative, but that’s the problem with email, how do you determine what the intended tone was exactly.
The mood on the floor wasn’t great to begin with; now I and the other team leaders are forlorn and paranoid.

1pm – my mate Tony texts me, asking is there any jobs going in my place. He does the same role as me for another company. Joking, I text him back, telling him I’m off to a big meeting and I’ll probably be looking for work after it too.

2.10pm – shocked and dismayed, I text Tony, confirming that I am indeed looking for new work….

So what the fuck happened?

We go into the meeting, the head of ops is there, and HR are there, all the team leaders and senior team leaders, and the managing director of the company. We are shown a presentation of how the company is going to move forward. A company that nearly folded 6 months ago and is currently afloat in no small part to the team leaders and senior team leaders currently sitting in the room.

We are told that our current positions of Team Leader and Senior Team Leader are no longer relevant, instead to be replaced by positions of Team Manager and Operations Manager. In line with the new titles, there will be a new salary band for each role, significantly higher than the current one. Surprisingly, no one in the room smiles at this news. To justify the new salary, the presentation continues, there are increased roles and responsibilities yadda yadda yadda – coincidentally, pretty much the very same roles & responsibilities we all have now.

Here’s the shit kicker.

We are told, that in order to prove we can do this role (the very same role, albeit with a different title, that we are doing now) we have to apply for it. We are also told that the new positions will start in two weeks. Finally we are told, in order to allow the business to move forward, we are all on two week’s notice.

How do you like them apples?

So for the second time within 11 months, I find myself in the same company having to reapply for my own job.

This is nothing new. I work for outsourcers, contracts come and go and redundancy is a part of life in this business. Except in this instance, there are no contracts going. The business is doing well in fact.

So in affect, the entire management team has been told to leave because the hierarchy does not believe we can do the roles.

This is pretty hard to take.

People were visibly upset when they left the meeting. Many were angry. I just felt nauseous. I still do.

So I tried to put a brave face on. I had to address my team. The rumour mill in that place is faster than a speeding bullet. Somehow I think I pulled it off, standing there in front of them all, explaining that my job was under threat but I still had to ensure that they were achieving targets… ensuring that they were not worried about their own jobs.

Ha for a second I thought emotion would get the better of me, but in one of those rare glorious moments in life, I became a professional.

Of course, for the rest of the day, any work was well… as you can expect, it went something along the lines of ‘fuck that’.

We went out for a drink afterwards, but this was a mistake. Alcohol is a depressant and everyone was morose. Plus there were no decent birds there so I left, went the off license, went round to my mates, got slaughtered and tried not to think about it.

As I write this, I am nursing a cunt of a hangover…
So now, as this part of my story ends, a new chapter needs to be written. I have two weeks to prove what I already know, I can do any job they give me standing on my head (although doing it and proving you can do it are two completely separate things) – or find a new job.

I guess this is the part where I ask you to wish me luck….