Went The Day Well?
I get up and shower straight away – which is an improvement on the rest of the week already as I’ve been getting up and watching Stargate & Scrubs reruns, showering at stupid times like
30 mins later my face looks like a cat has treated me like it’s bitch – my cheek covered with several red scratches cos I’m a fucking dickhead remember. Off to town I go.
Being out of
The cold has paled my skin now, reddening the scratches even more – also even this ugly fella likes to smell nice, I applied some aftershave (dickhead remember) which needless to say stung like hell –is this an important detail?
Anyways a girl gets on the bus and stares at me vacantly. I try and detect a smile, a look of lust, but nope vacant as anything, and yet she doesn’t take her eyes off me, walks right to the back of the bus and sits in front of me. I go back to my book. The bus is bouncing along and well into my book and I have some great tunes low on my ipod, I look up and there are new passengers, I see one of the most beautiful faces ever and I am transfixed. I try to read my book but I can’t avoid sly glances over. Then she moves slightly and what is that? Oh Christ no – a school uniform. I sink into my chair depressed and disgusted. I go back to my book and concentrate turning up the tunes.
My trip to town is brief, in fact I spent longer getting there – town is Liverpool City Centre by the way. It is notable for two things.
1/ with the gift voucher from my team I purchase Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (just watched, very good), The Proposition, and The Three Buriels of Melquiades ….(Mexican name) – Aaron wanted to know and his email add wouldn’t
2/ I go to Boots and spend my boots points on a new electric razor. The queue is long and full. Everywhere I look I see beautiful attractive women. All the girls on the till are beautiful attractive women. My heart sinks. If there is indeed a perfect time for a spot of public embarrassment, now is the time. For some reason, the till girls in Boots sit on really low chairs, that or today I was really tall. If you
So there I am staring down a very low-cut top…
I really wanted to. I did. But call me a prude, although I’d prefer gentleman, I just couldn’t do it. Before I could dwell on such matters, that old public embarrassment starting to raise its ugly head (I know this sounds like innuendo, but that’s your dirty mind not mine). Having never bought anything with my Boots card before, I merely printed off the voucher, searched for the product and dutifully handed all three to the cashier. Sadly, the cashier had never sold anything with a Boots card before.
Five long minutes I stood there. Normally in these situations I panic, face reddens, heart beats faster, knees buckle. I just smiled and nodded. Now I know why she wore the top. On a (deep deep deep) subconscious level she understood that she was a fuckwit, and the way to overcompensate this was to flash her tits. (sure there’s a flaw in that argument but it’s
I left town and returned home. Town was very busy and people, well people bug me.
This evening I decided to shopping at asda. 5 days before Christmas. Aisles were jam packed. Every where I turned was a moaning idiot – the real life embodiment of those jammy fuckers off the Special K ads – no-marks with beautiful outta their league girlfriends. All of em moaning about how busy it was, how people stop and have a chat with their trolley’s blocking the path. Naturally all were stopped chatting to their spouses about this. It is a shame that irony is lost of many of our great nation. That and scheduling skills. It’s open 24/7 why did u come at rush hour dickhead!?!
I spent 50 pounds on alcohol and £1.50 on a sizzle n stir salad thing. I must have looked like the catch of the day to the cashier. Pathetic.
There was another interesting note – having cut my hair yesterday very short (drug mule is what Dominique refers to me as – somehow I don’t see that as a compliment), wearing my customary outta-my-way-dickhead scowl and with those scratches perfectly juxtaposed with my whiter than white (I don’t like the Sun) skin – I was now eye candy for all the little jailbaits running amok. Unbelievable!
I was getting the eye off Britney, Christina, and who else is there, Pink? All fine and well if you’re an amoral scumbag. But me, I was crushed. I wanted there mom’s to look. 14 or 32? I’m nearly 30. Prison or dinner and sex? And that’s home cooked microwave chips and beans dinner, none of that fancy restaurant bullshit. Sadly, Mom’s were off listening to Special K boyfriend’s whine and bitch.
I left to write this. Albeit some 6 hours later. Its 2am, why the fuck did I think it was important to write this shit down? I’m sober/