Spam

Despite my latest version of Internet Security, with all it's beefed up power and promises, I now get more spam email than ever before. On average, each day I get between 5 and 15 emails all promoting the virtues of quick degrees, medicines, penis enlargement, breast enlargement, breast reduction, obesity, bulimia etc etc etc. The majority of which I now believe come from one of my previous myspace profiles using my (foolish me) 'proper' email address.

Normally I delete these emails as soon as I see 'em, but recently I have noticed something remarkable. Now in the past most of them have at least tried to have names that appear like those of my friends – you know, so I'll nonchalantly open the wrong one, realise my dick is small, and sign up for a blah blah blah. But recently, the names have taken a life of their own…

Tonight, friends, I give you…

Arlene Blevins

Bobbi Tapia

Jody Hopper

Mammie Eaton

Natasha Solis

Trey Day

Who the fuck are these people? They sound like no one I know. No one I may know.

Some cool names though.

So who are these people?

Arlene Blevins – 32 years old, 3 children, 2 different daddies, lived alone since she was 15, victim of domestic violence all her life, scarred lip, eye beaten so many times, her lid is permanently in a squinting half closed state – doodles to forget, really creative, wants to be an artist, likes to sing to her kids

Bobbi Tapia – Pro-footballer, all American, constantly challenging himself, stigma over name, momma didn't realize she spelt it with an 'I' instead of a 'y' – media suspects he's in the closet – teammates don't trust him – loves cock

Jody Hopper – (I got nothing )

Mammie Eaton – Greasy Spoon Café owner – Mammie's her nickname, but no one knows/remembers her real name – makes the most disgustingly greasy dirty English full breakfast which is great for hangovers – huge ridiculously sized breasts, looks like maid from Tom & Jerry – has a string of gentleman callers,

Natasha Solis – 'Tash to her mates, on/off girlfriend of Trey, talks with Hubba Bubba in gob, likes it when boys look at her, mum and dad new money, loves Trey but deffo won't shag em till she's 15 (she's 13)

Trey Day – 15 year old chip on his shoulder prick – dad wanted to be a musician, lives through son – no talent whatsoever – steals mother's prescription drugs – both a victim and a bully – has a crap name

Well, pissing about there as you can see, lovely when boredom creates nothing out of something annoying lol. Cheesy cliches

Anyone got any ideas for Jody Hopper btw?